It is late. I should be asleep, or at least trying to go to sleep.
I am a wee amped. Well, amped might not be the best word.
I have been over thinking a holiday card to send out. First I wanted to make the holiday card. Then this weekend, it became clear that it wasn't realistic. I told myself that I was going to take it easier on myself. Meaning that I would be ok with letting some things go, and some events if I just was feeling too overwhelmed. I have been so anxious about the "letter". Last year my parents decided to tell everybody in their family card that Jay and I had split. Admittedly, in the moment, I was hurt and upset with that. I wish that they had asked me first if they could disclose that information. But they didn't, and I still love them. I have since gotten over it. Still, in this small strange area of etiquette, there has been continued radio silence from my end. I keep grinding my gears over the following:
What do I say in the letter this year?
How much do I want to disclose?
Do I talk about my single mom status?
Do I talk about the struggles I have with trying to maintain a cohesive family life for Thurston with Jay?
Do I talk about that I am still struggling severely financially?
Do I talk about the improvements of late with the relationship between Jay and Thurston?
I do not want to make Jay or myself sound selfish or like idiots.
Who do I want to send this letter to?
Do I even need to do a letter?
Why do I want to send a letter?
It isn't that I don't love everybody, but for years I have made the literal investment in sending cards to people who do not send them ever in return. I decided that I would send out 30. I found some cards on deep clearance the other day, that in better times would have bought at full price. I snagged them, and decided I could afford postage for 30. People who live in other cities will have priority. Those friends who I don't get to communicate with on a regular basis, but I couldn't imagine my life without. Then, those that do send cards every year and make that same effort I used to (and trying to do again).
I also decided I would focus only on the positive. Moving, Thurston starting kindergarten, working at Twiggs. Those have all been positive events that have happened this year. I can't get into too much trouble if I just take the "positive high road." I also found some simple stationary in Microsoft I liked, and I had downloaded some free neato fonts not to long ago. So about 2 hours ago, it all came together. I hope that the letter remained positive.
Yom Tov. Candles lit, prayers said. Legos opened and made.
Ok. Now I do need to rest. I will post the letter I wrote in it's own entry.