Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Today feels like a sprint from one emotion to another and another and another.. My outward expression matched how I felt inside (I wasn't just phoning it in) . I was pretty happy and content for 2/3 of my day. The mood maintained until I got the phone call from Thurston's school that he had gotten poked in the eye with a pencil, BUT HE WAS OK, but it was turning red. Could I go and get him? Anxiety, low blood sugar, fear all took over. I was in the middle of a short appointment, and concluded that and headed back to get Thurston, whom would have to join me on my next appointment. The day didn't go downhill, but it got progressively harder for me to keep myself in check, and control the waves of emotion that flooded me. Thurston really is ok. It just looks worse than what it actually is. He has this "pool" of blood in the corner of his eye that will take about two weeks to clear up. We, however, do NOT have health insurance and had to scramble to get his eye looked at, where it did not become an expensive experience making me choose between rent and my kid's eye. I will say this...Costco came through on this one. I decided I would go and ask for an appointment at my local Costco Optometrist department. They were absolutely amazing. They did not charge me, gave me free eye drops, and a list of opthamologists if he should show more severe symptoms. These folks were so kind and nice. I was shocked (which now made me sad that I have such a low view of people). Thurston and I decided to treat ourselves and went and had dinner out. It is a rare luxury these days, and we made the most of it. We colored and did word puzzles on the kids menu, even after we were done eating. On Tuesday and Wednesday nights we have to go to bed extra early as I have to be at work by 7.30am. Thurston regularly, although tired, fights me on going to sleep. Despite an argument free morning, we had full on, pre-bed time melt down. I was really irritated with Thurston, but maintained and walked away from his temper tantrum and told him that I did not want to be subject to his freak out. He FINALLY calms down to freak out again. Now I start worrying about whether or not his crying is going to make his eye worse. Then the cats decide to revert to feral status and rip open a bag that maybe had been on the counter for 10 minutes with a muffin in it. They get into the bag and the muffin and it's crumbs strewn across the kitchen. I barely was able to contain the anger. Then, wait for it, the coup de grace, was when, after cleaning up muffin maddness, I stumbling into a pile of fucking hot wheels and to keep myself from falling smashed my other foot into these tidbits of masochistic foot massagers. I lost it and basically yelled/growled in pain and anger. Thurston starts crying again. I think fucking GREAT!!! The only thing I said after that (well really yelled) was PICK THESE UP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did manage to recover, and calm down myself. The swinging from emotional tree to emotional tree this afternoon/evening leaves me tired and frustrated. Frustrated that I couldn't regain the happy space I lived in earlier today. Frustrated period. I find that now, I am just tired. I could have done without the kid freak out on infini-play and the cats re-examining their feral roots all in a 15/20 minute span. I debated spending the time writing this, but in doing so, I now can see the comical in it. Maybe I can now end the day in the same happy space I started it in.