Tuesday, March 27, 2012

waking dreams past


i had no intention of writing on the blog today/yesterday
whatever. it is 1.45am
still my fucking blog when last checked

my dreams, my fantasies have been consumed
with the present
with the future

i drifted off and was precariously
balanced in a fantasy land of insecurity, hope and present
with lists of questions

was woken
not only brought into the present
but confronted by the past

not the painful past
the beautiful past
the past that was good
the past that still can be at the front of my mind
if i were to allow it to be

i want to reach out and touch that past
but what of the present?
the present that seems to have the possibility of so much more

i have already confronted this past
made peace with this past
how do i confront this present?

how do i make sure i am not being used?
taken advantage of?
relegated to simply convenient because i am understanding rather than demanding?
what unknown baggage is being brought in?
are bombs lingering in the baggage?
how do i trust a connection, a desire that has been lying dormant from the past until present?
is it instinct?
is it faith?

do i even know if the present is possible?
i crave and dream of the strength to be honest and find out.
you are my present.

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