Friday, July 6, 2012

6 things I can't live without

Recently I was asked on a stupid questionaire what 6 things I could not live life without.  This is a fucking set up. It really doesn't matter what you answer.  You will look shallow and self centered with pretty much anything you put there.  But none the less, I was thinking, well, what could I not live with out? The obvious, books and music. Well this is art and to be considered the highest degree of humanity, but to possess it? Well, in theory, although I have a lovely library of books and music, all are replaceable. Isn't that what public libraries are for anyways?  Then we start thinking about "stuff" that occupies our home....wait... a home...oh yah...fucking had to sell that, so I guess that isn't as crucial as upon first thought. By the way...the question was "what 6 things could i NOT live without" not what 6 things would make my life less cynical.  Back to stuff, well stuff is all replaceable, or at least that is the platitude we hand out when somebody's house has been ransacked and things that would see precious are stolen.  Wait, yah, that happened to me too, so I guess the stuff is not really all the crucial either.  Well, art and stuff have been knocked off the list, what is left? Nature, ideas and  people? Extreme environmentalists would have you believe that nature is a non negotiable.  I am tied to nature by the sheer concept of gravity.  Gravity. There is possibly the first thing I think I couldn't live without.  What would keep me tethered to this god forsaken shit hole if gravity didn't?  Now we are delving into the realm of ideas.  We own ideas, share ideas, it is thought that then become validated by some system of belief (or proof). Is it really possible to live without ideas? Not really if you are any kind if sentient pensive individual. Then those ideas get translated into books....and we cycle right back to libraries. So thus far I have 2 things that I could not possibly live without. 1. Gravity (which in some way gets rolled into #2) 2. Thoughts/Ideas.  The more emotional part of this process. People. People. Fucking People. As a mother I suspect that every person who will ever read this will think....you cannot possibly live without your child. If you can, well then you are a shit mother.  Well, hate to break it to you dear reader. I can't live without my child, but as so many many books trying to explain to me how I can't live without hope, also are quick to remind me of how many people have children die. Good people. Nice people. Stupid people. All have children that die for sudden and tragic reasons.  Do those individuals go on in their life? In theory they do. So, god forbid, something were to happen to Thurston, would I commit suicide? No. I would descend into the pits of hell, but ultimately I would go on. From a different perspective, children grow and move on into their own lives. You then no longer talk with them or see them every day. Most people do not even live in the same city as their children, again, do we off ourselves at this point, or go on? At some point I will have to make peace without having my child in my life the way he is now.  Family. I believe that all who might read this post have lost some family to death. Again, same situation applies...we go on.  I don't want my family to die, but it is an inevitability to life.  Friends. Friends come and go. I will not go any deeper than this. If you know me, you know the deep sense of loss I have in this arena that I struggle everyday to make peace with. Are people crucial to our experience? Yes. The sense of connection, the sense of belonging, the sense of acceptance.  As I was running and walking working through this skewed logic, I kept coming back to the idea,  what do I turn to in the worst of times that I have experienced.  What would bring me comfort? The answer actually is pretty simple.  It is two things. 1) Music...very specifically, Tom Waits.  Nothing makes me feel stronger, centered and remember the core of who I am, than when I am listening to Tom Waits.  2) Connection.  The people who I have unwaivering faith in my love for them and theirs for me.  The kind of friendship that has already weathered insane storms, and yet they still are there to say to you all in the same breath "I love you, and you are full of crap.  Fuck the world. Let's go have a drink."


My List:
1) Gravity
2)Thoughts/Ideas
3)Tom Waits
4)Deep abiding connection


All the rest falls into those 4 concepts.  How about you? Want to get sucked into this time thought burglar? I assure you contemplate it now before you go to put yourself on an online dating website.

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