my heart is like
it has been throwing a temper tantrum
since december 21st.
it is tearing it's hair out,
screaming the most awful
mean spirited spew at my brain.
it hopes that it can manipulate me into
action even though i loath the concept and word "hope."
it screams for me to keep giving even though
there is nothing to get in return.
it screams i am worthy only to give
and never get in return.
it screams this is what all the fucking crappy ass platitudes
quoted repeatedly tell you to believe.
it is our only and higher purpose to give until there is nothing left.
never, never expect that anything will ever come back to you.
that is a folly of the highest magnitude.
for the last 48 hours
i have been screaming back at my idiotic masochistic heart
living in my chest.
i am screaming in anger i have for the world
that i only can turn back on myself....
heart....fuck off and die.