Monday, December 16, 2013

talking 19 seconds behind


i feel completely disconnected from my life and my body.  this has been going for several days running.  started on friday and has continued on through now (which it would seem is now early monday). it has been one of those weekends where nothing seemed to really "work."  it should in theory.  it has been a segment in time where i suspect the lesson is to simply "let go."  no matter what i did, it all felt as if it was a hundred times harder than what it should be or what i have known it to be.  everything dropped.  everything went just enough wrong to be annoying. or hurt myself in every task in some small way (like pricking my fingers repeatedly with a needle).  i woke up this morning even more out of sync. it was like watching a Godzilla movie with the soundtrack trailing 19 seconds behind.  funny...that was the problem that was making me crazy friday night when i was watching the movie Donnie Darko for the first time.  i thought maybe i was just sleepy or groggy.  three shots of espresso later i was even more out of sync.  in fact, i thought maybe my brain wanted me to go horizontal as it felt like i was standing at a strange angle.  my hands and brain simply were not working together.
i had a bad migraine on thursday.  i wonder if that plays into this?  i know the migraine had been stress related.  it had been so bad that my vision in my right eye diminished severely.  anxiety elevated for several days as well. i got nothing accomplished this weekend that i really felt i needed to get done.  everybody else's needs came first.  at least i did manage to work a bike ride in yesterday that was solely for me. going to try to force sleep.  maybe my brain can reboot and the anxiety will calm and my hands and brain will decide to be friends again.

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